Why my music career never took off

So I know the last post painted me as a sad and a little pathetic, okay and honestly I’m all of those things. But I’m also cool! Like I sort of have a music career. Sort of.

Things have died down now but at one point I was some hot stuff.

I used to live in Phoenix, AZ and I was a sizzling star in the valley of the sun.

Chris Farley Shades

Or at least that’s how I like to think of myself.

Truth be told I only played maybe 10 or 12 shows. I won a spot in a songwriter’s showcase and I won Phoenix RAW Artist’s Musician of the Year.

Everyone could always spot how much potential I had but I think I was always holding myself back. Well, money always held me back. I just never had enough of it.

money tree

If only…

I never lacked passion or talent, ahem, at least I don’t think I lack talent. You guys can see for yourself in my next post.

Also you have to be a very social person. You don’t think about that when you decide to be a musician/rock star but a lot of it is schmoozing with people.

It makes sense when you think about it. People don’t want to support strangers, they want to support people they feel they know and love. Hence schmoozing, whether it be in person or on social media. I just don’t think I was ever really good at it. Or maybe I am, and never thought that I was.

big-kiss-funny-style

Mwah!

Self-doubt was a huge thing that got me. Like, I was winning all these awards and booking all these gigs and yet I never felt like I was any good. I was constantly comparing myself to the other acts that were performing and seeing everything I wasn’t. I know, I know. Don’t compare yourself to others, but it’s harder than you think not to.

When you’re performing in front of people, you have to be constantly aware of how people perceive you. Oh, do you think they’d like this outfit? Nah, that cat hat is way overboard. Do you think they’d be cool if I played the Power Ranger theme song? Oh well, I’ve already started playing it. Oh! I see a guy smiling. He must recognize the song. No, he just got his order of fries…

Guys, self-doubt. It’ll eat you up.

hungry dog

The last one kind is more recent and kind of only applies to me really. I have Idiopathic Hypersomnia. Insomnia means you can’t get to sleep. Hypersomnia is the opposite. All you want to do is sleep. You’re just tired all the time. I was recently diagnosed with this although they think I’ve had this for years. Kind of makes staying up late to do gigs kind of hard. Plus finding energy to practice is hard.

I was working it out for a while but I was going crazy trying to pull myself together enough to put these shows together.

I don’t think I’ll ever give up on music. It’s embedded in me like I believe it is in most people. I just don’t think I’ll ever be famous for it.

And that’s okay.

As long as I’m happy with what I’m creating, that’s really all I can ask for.