The Thanksgiving Break-up

“I’ve been talking to my parents…”

Oh these conversations never ended well.

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I was sitting across from my bandmate Jen in our makeshift rehearsal space in her basement. There was galaxy tie-dye fabric on the wall and lighbulbs strung up across the ceiling. We had only used the space on a number of occasions but it had started to feel like a second home.

Jen and I had met when I looked her up on Reverbnation. I was looking to start a band with someone else and she seemed to fit my parameters. She was well to do as a solo artist but she wasn’t further along than me. She wrote her own material and it was similar to my own. And she was looking to start a band herself.

So we set up a meeting.

And we hit it off.

She liked the same music style. She wanted to go into the same genre. She was well connected in the Raleigh music scene. She even was religious which is rare to find in the music world. At least I had never come across another person who was willing to put God first.

And I thought this was a sign. God wants me to put this band together.

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And so we decided to start a  band.

This was back in September.

We met once a week. We both had busy schedules and between the two of us we usually were only able to find one night that would work with us.

At the beginning we tried just doing jam sessions to see if we could mesh our styles. Let me tell you now, I’m not a jam session person. I like picking chords and working at them until I’ve beaten them into a song. I’m not saying jam sessions are bad. They’re just not how I work.

But even if we weren’t struggling with our different writing styles we were definitely struggling with being able to meet up every week.

Which brought me back to the moment in Jen’s basement.

“I’ve been talking to my parents and they want me to focus more on school and I have to agree with them. Don’t get me wrong, I really wanted to do this but it’s just bad timing with me still being in school.”

And I thought I would be crushed to hear her say this but the only thing I felt was relief.

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Truth be told I was rethinking the whole band thing myself.

We had agreed as a band that we would start over from scratch with songs.

The problem with that is I had just spent the past 3 years writing 14 phenomenal songs I really believed in and I was finding it harder than I imagined to just let them be.

Granted I loved being apart of something where I wasn’t the only one who cared but I respected Jen’s decision and I don’t blame her at all or have any ill feelings towards her for breaking the band up.

If anything she was giving me the freedom I was starting to realize I wanted back.

So I’m back to doing things solo again.

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I’m not back to square one. I was fairly far along in putting my songs together so I’m going to go back to that.

Really I think it was a blessing that this happened, especially right before Thanksgiving. It gave me good perspective on what happened.

Obviously, it wasn’t meant to work out for me and Jen.

But this ending doens’t have to be a bad thing.

In fact, Jen said that though we’re not a band she’s willing to let me keep using the rehearsal space to work on my stuff which is awesome because I need a space and she has awesome equipment too.

And I also have a friend who’s invested in seeing me make it, which is one more than I had yesterday.

And I’m grateful for that.

And I honestly believe that it wasn’t meant to work out. There are better things for me and I’m going to find them.

Although it’s the end for my short-lived band,

This isn’t the end for me.

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